Dear Coleen
My husband and I live with our grown-up daughter and her 11-year-old son, and she persuaded us to let her fiance move in with us as well.
But I have a big problem with him – he is lazy, doesn’t do a thing to help in the house and doesn’t pay his way either.
My husband and I put all the money we have into our home, as well as helping to provide for our daughter.
But when we speak to her about him and raise our concerns, she fights with us and even threatens us.
She never spends time with her son any more and when her fiance is at home, he keeps her in his room and he never bothers with my grandson either. He doesn’t even talk to him.
When he is not working, he sleeps all day. He also lies to my daughter and he has cheated on her, yet she still takes his side rather than that of her own son and parents.
What can I do? I am going off my head knowing this man is just using my daughter, and she doesn’t want to do anything about it.
Coleen says
What a tough situation – and I think it requires some tough love. You and your husband need to be united on this and ask him to leave.
Tell him you simply can’t afford to pay for another house guest or you don’t have the space – whatever it takes.
Or, explain to your daughter that if she intends to marry this guy, then she needs to get her own place with him and find out what it’ll be like without your support at home. You don’t have to cut her off financially, but make it clear to her that the current situation can’t go on. You simply can’t afford to pay his way and you also want to reclaim your home.
I think if she was on her own with him for any length of time, she’d realise just how little contribution he makes. Unfortunately, I think she’s going to have to realise it the hard way.
Just keep in mind your grandson here and make his wellbeing your priority. It sounds as if he’s had a tough time with his mum and her fiance, so give him your continued support.
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