Dear Coleen
I don’t get on with my soon-to-be father-in-law.
I’m getting married just before Christmas and, while I should be looking forward to it, I’m dreading it because I know he will do or say something to ruin the day.
My fiancee actually feels the same way – she’s obviously grown up with him and knows what he’s like.
She’s always nervy around him when we’re out in company because he’s a loose cannon, and she’s tense about the wedding, too.
When he’s had a drink he is very rude, to the point where someone has punched him in the past.
He also likes to tell me how rubbish my job is and how I should get a “proper job”, and he criticises everything from my car to my taste in music.
At our engagement party he was very rude to my parents and then had a go at them for not being able to “take a joke”.
My fiancee was in tears and her mum was very embarrassed.
He did call my parents a few days later to apologise, but the damage was done and I don’t think they’ll be keen to spend much time with him in the future. I don’t blame them.
How can we enjoy our wedding when we’re on tenterhooks, waiting for her dad to spoil things?
Coleen says
He sounds like a naughty schoolboy who gets a kick out of causing chaos.
Well, what you do is speak to your other close relatives, especially on your fiancee’s side, and appoint them to keep tabs on your father-in-law’s behaviour.
If he starts to cause trouble and upset people, then they can intervene discreetly, so you don’t end up becoming aware of what’s going on.
And tell them you don’t want to know about it – at least until the next day!
Your fiancee’s family will know exactly what he’s like, so their job can be to make sure he behaves himself and, if he doesn’t, to properly police the situation.
I’m sure they won’t mind because they know how important this day is to you both.
He might surprise you and be on his best behaviour – let’s hope so. I’m sure even he doesn’t want to cause trouble at his little girl’s wedding.
I’m also certain his wife will have a quiet word with him beforehand.
Enjoy your day and all the best for your future together.
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