Dear Coleen
I’d been with my boyfriend for three years when he ended the relationship out of the blue a few weeks ago.
The worst thing was, he did it via an email, saying he just didn’t feel the same about us any more and wanted to give us both the chance to meet new people.
We don’t live together, so I suppose it was easy for him to end it without having to face me.
As well as being shocked, I was heartbroken because I thought we were fine. I definitely didn’t see this coming and there were no clues that he’d been planning this.
I’ve tried to get in touch with him but he just ignores my messages, apart from one, when he responded saying he’d be in touch once the dust settled and we’d had some time on our own.
I’m confused and angry because he’s left me with no explanation. It’s as if the past three years never happened or meant absolutely nothing to him. One of my friends said she suspects he’s been seeing someone else, as a couple of people have spotted him with another woman.
I can’t understand why he’s been so cold. My family and friends are all horrified too.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Coleen says
This is a really cowardly way to end a relationship and maybe it’s down to guilt because he has been seeing someone else or wanted to be free to date someone he’d got close to.
Sadly, modern technology makes it really easy to avoid having to deal with it face to face, which is what you deserve.
I know you want an explanation, but how will it change things really? This wasn’t a nice thing to do to someone you’ve spent three years with, so it shows what he’s like as a person: not the guy you thought he was.
I would use your anger in a productive way to make you determined to move on positively.
Yes, you could talk to him, but it won’t change the situation, it won’t change how he hurt you and he
might not be truthful with his explanation.
It takes time to get over any heartbreak – however it happened – so rest assured that with the support of friends and family you will get over him and you’ll be able to look back and be thankful you didn’t end up marrying someone who can throw something important away so easily.
Good luck.
More of our agony aunt Coleen Nolan’s advice on your sex, family, health and relationship problems
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