With summer in full flow in the UK, the rise of the wellness trend is too.
Social media is full of influencers demonstrating perfect yoga moves, the ‘cleanest’ diets and the healthiest habits.
Though they’re often promoted as ‘easy’ practices to help you live your best life, for disabled people like me these unattainable targets can leave us feeling deflated and insecure.
I have cerebral palsy, a condition that affects movement and coordination, meaning I am a full-time wheelchair user. The trend as a whole has made me feel guilty for not being ‘able enough’.
My personal journey with wellness started back in 2019 on Instagram after I came across accounts promoting veganism. I was around 17 at time and looking for ways to feel more comfortable in myself.
I was led to believe that this change to my diet would fix some of the pain I regularly experienced, and generally give me more energy, since influencers said it would.
I was also convinced that I could only eat whole foods and should limit my calorie intake drastically to be as healthy as possible because I was unable to burn calories by going to the gym.
Every Instagram page I landed on touted drastic exercise plans and the expectation to be going to the gym 24/7. It made me feel like anything less than working out every day of the week was a failure.
As someone who has been constantly bullied about their weight, I was desperate to do the right thing and see results – but since I couldn’t partake in activities such as yoga or running, I internalised the message that I wasn’t doing enough and that, as a result, everyone around me thought I was lazy or too overweight to care.
Comments about my weight in the past from teachers and people close to me, paired with what I was seeing from influencers, had a negative impact on the way that I viewed myself and gave me a warped vision of body image.
While it’s easy to think I should’ve just unfollowed these accounts, they became addictive. My Instagram feed was also so all-consumed by them that I could no longer gauge what was normal and what was toxic messaging.
With every image burning into my brain, I soon downloaded a calorie tracking app and started to drastically change my diet, reducing my calorie intake to an unhealthily low number.
I started to share my own fitness and weight loss journey online, constantly receiving compliments and encouragement to carry on.
But as much as I tried to craft the perfect smoothie bowl and practice every seated workout I could find on YouTube, I just wasn’t hitting those targets I thought everyone else was achieving with ease.
This made me feel like I wasn’t being the best version of myself, and that I needed to start eating even less.
Influencers were talking relentlessly about how much their physical and mental wellbeing had improved, but I just wasn’t seeing results on either.
So the more self-conscious I became about my body as a disabled person with cerebral palsy and scoliosis, the more I started reducing my calorie intake even further after just two months.
I found it relatively easy to skip meals at both college and home as people were constantly praising me for how much weight I’d lost. No-one was questioning how little I was eating, perhaps not through fault, but because it’s the socially acceptable thing to do.
It took until early 2020 for me to start feeling dizzy, lethargic and not being able to concentrate on my work at college to realise that this wasn’t healthy. These side effects brought me back to a rational way of thinking and I started to eat better and clear out my following list on Instagram to make sure they were only accounts that made me feel positive.
I needed to start eating a more balanced diet if I wanted to feel better on the inside – and out.
I believe there needs to be more legislation in place to prevent people from developing mental health issues through fitness accounts
One thing I do want to make clear is that not all wellness influencers are bad. Yet, some project a lifestyle that is totally unattainable to most, if not all, which can lead to people developing eating disorders and other mental health issues.
For someone like myself who has a disability, some of the content allowed to be posted on Instagram is particularly triggering and doesn’t hold disclaimers around healthy eating and exercise.
It’s perfectly natural to want to share your passion, but some influencers must realise that the content they project is damaging to some of their audience.
Seeing those with thousands of followers looking happy pushing diet pills, protein shakes and an ultra-healthy lifestyle left me feeling like I couldn’t possibly be attractive, or worthy of respect.
I realise now that this content just wasn’t made for people like me, who easily get drawn into diets and self-confidence issues.
Two months ago, I returned to being vegetarian, which has helped me be less restrictive with my diet, while also eating healthily and feeling good about myself – but I found it hard to completely change my way of thinking and perception of myself overnight.
What I wish people knew about wellness influencers is that some of them project false images and a warped reality of health and body image to gain followers and make money.
I believe there needs to be more legislation in place to prevent people from developing mental health issues through fitness accounts. There should be regulations around selling fitness products, including trigger and content warnings for those who have eating disorders and other mental health issues.
Mentally, I’m in a much better place now, I still have off days but try to remember that the only person I need to compare myself to is myself. My weight and the way I look doesn’t determine my worth.
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