If your life—and sex life in particular—have been feeling a little…vanilla these days, it may be time to try some other flavours in the ice-cream shop. And by ice-cream shop, I mean your bedroom, and by other flavours, I mean: kinky sex.
What exactly is kinky sex, you ask? Good question. Since the term gets thrown around a lot, it carries a lot of ambiguity. At its most basic, kink means a departure from sexual norms, whether that’s by inserting props—handcuffs, feathers, paddles, plugs—into your routine, or exploring sexual fantasies (role-play, especially), BDSM, or rough sex, to name a few.
Your brand of kink might be sex with multiple partners at once; it might be having your partner secretly use a remote control vibrator on you while you’re out with friends; it might be light choking. Whatever you’re into, know that there are tons—tons—of people out there who get off on precisely the same thing.
If you’ve never veered off from your usual action, licensed sex therapist Vanessa Marin suggests easing your way in. “I think a lot of people, for some reason, have this idea that if you’re going to try kink, you have to go all the way. You don’t. That’s still really intimidating and can actually lead to a lot of difficulties,” she says. Testing out nipple clamps or choking during your first foray, for example, may not be the best place to start.
Before springing bondage gear on your partner, you should definitely discuss your boundaries and desires, and make sure you’re on the same page about what you’re both down to try, she says. And consider stealing a tip from Fifty Shades (ya know, the icon of kinky sex for the last decade): Come up with a mutual safe word in case one of you gets uncomfortable and wants to stop things in their tracks.
So now that’s all out of the way, how do you dip your toe in rougher waters? Depending on what you like, the first step might be as simple as adding a few simple manoeuvres to your erotic menu. These 10 positions for kinky sex are an incredible (read: next-level orgasm guaranteed) way to start:
1. DOGGY—WITH EXTRAS
For people who are just starting out, Marin recommends this classic: “Probably the easiest position to try is doggy style because it already feels like a little more animalistic position and lends itself really well to spanking, hair-pulling, and things like pinching the nipples.”
Do It: Kneeling on all fours, have your partner enter you from behind, either while he’s standing and you’re stationed on the bed, or he’s on his knees behind you. Same-sex partners could consider a strap-on or just use fingers for penetration. Either way, try roughing things up by tweaking nipples, grabbing hair, and smacking butts.
2. SEATED WHEELBARROW
Here’s a fun one for those of you who want to experiment with a little spanking or anal play during PIV sex: the seated wheelbarrow. This position gives your partner easy access to both holes (sorry for the bluntness), while the angle creates intense penetration. (Be prepared to get loud.)
“Get started with your fingers first and see how you like the pressure there,” Marin suggests. Then if you’re into it, consider upgrading to anal beads or a butt plug.
Do It: With your partner sitting on the edge of the bed—or couch, or kitchen chair—position yourself on their lap with the tops of your thighs pressed against theirs and your legs stretching behind their back. Lean forward with both palms on the floor and have them insert a well-lubricated finger into your butt while he enters you from behind, maybe pulling it out just as you’re on the brink of orgasm.
3. COWGIRL
Now it’s time for you to take the reins: The cowgirl presents an optimal opportunity to dominate your partner, an easy way in to full-on BDSM. Before you straddle them, maybe blindfold their eyes with a silk scarf or tie. With their consent, you can also tread into bondage territory.
“If you’re really a beginner and feeling shy, you can just start with having one partner hold the other’s hands over their head,” Marin says. “You get that feeling of it, and you can get a sense of whether that’s something you both like without having to buy anything new.” Or use the same scarf or tie to restrain their wrists—just keep the knots loose if it’s your first time.
Either way, this position puts you in charge, so experiment with tweaking or twisting your partner’s nipples, or—if you have a male partner—grabbing his balls.
Do It: Straddle your partner at their pelvis, pushing off their chest and sliding up and down their thighs. Lean back, hold their wrists down…you do you, cowgirl.
4. THE PINBALL WIZARD
With your hands out of play, your partner is free to roam your body, finding sensitive spots neither of you may not have discovered before your foray into kinky sex.
This sex position is also one that lends itself well to transitions (you flipping over, your legs on their shoulders, you turning on your side, etc.), so it’s a great addition to anyone looking for steamier, porn-esque romps.
Do It: Get into a partial bridge position (like a pinball machine), with your weight resting on your shoulders. Have your partner tie your hands to the bedpost or headboard, then let them enter you from a kneeling position.
5. SPIDER
The spider is a solid option for any couple, whether for P-in-the-V action or, with a little bit of hip rotation, women looking to scissor. Why? The clitoral stimulation is unparalleled, and having your hands so close to your and your partner’s genitals make touching everywhere so easy.
In fact, this is a great position to up the kink with a remote-control vibrator or butt plug. Give the handheld remote over to your partner, and let them take control…literally.
Do It: Sit on the bed with legs toward one another, arms back to support yourselves. Now move together and onto his penis (or her vagina). Your hips will be between their spread legs, your knees bent, and feet outside of their hips and flat on the bed. Now rock back and forth.
6. CROSS-BOOTY
The Cross-Booty is a standout (lie-down?) option if your man is into spankings and/or humiliation. (Trust me, some are.) Do It: Have him lie across your lap, with your hips tipped up so he can enter you. With his butt in the air, you’ll be perfectly positioned to give him a little smack—with your hand, or if you’re feeling more ambitious, with a paddle, or any other toy you’ve both agreed is fair game. (P.S. While this position is better suited for opposite-sex partners, you you could make it work with a woman…you just may need more rubbing action.)
7. BUTTER CHURNER
Just looking at this sex move feels kinky, no? This dominating pose (for him) works really well with accessories—as in, the edible kind.
Have your partner dribble chocolate syrup or something sweet into your mouth. It gets more of your senses involved, amping up the entire experience.
Not to mention, there’s something really sexy about about two partners who are so confident in their bodies and attraction to each other that they’re willing to pretzel themselves in all different kinds of ways…
Do It: Lie on your back with your legs raised and folded over so that your ankles are on either side of your head, while he squats and dips his penis in and out of your vagina. (A female partner could also do this with a strap-on or fingers.)
8. FLATIRON
There’s something super animalistic and kinky about a position that’s not only about taking you from behind, but also doing so while you’re submissively lying facedown.
If you’re ready to try rough or anal sex, this is a good move for you—the close contact between your heads will make communication (including those safe words) easier than ever.
Do It: Lie facedown on the bed, legs straight, hips slightly raised.
9. STAND AND DELIVER
Standing sex isn’t easy, but it sure is kinky as hell. And the Stand and Deliver takes it up a notch, with your partner grabbing your hands (ready for bondage? let them restrain you with a tie or cuffs) and more or less dominating your body.
All the blood rushing to your head in the bent-over position—plus the fact that your vaginal walls tighten in this stance—can seriously add to the intensity.
Do It: With both of you standing, you bend over at the waist; your partner enters you from behind. Let them grab your wrists (and loosely or as tightly as you like it), then let them go to town.
10. REVERSE COWGIRL
Did you really think I’d get through a kinky-sex roundup without including the one and only Reverse Cowgirl?
This position is naturally kinky, because it gives your partner a full (and blessed) view of your backside as you ride them, and they can reach around to touch your clitoris, breasts, belly button, butthole, inner thighs…yeah, you get it.
What’s more, they can pull your hair, and you can twist around to choke them…the options are really endless.
Do It: Your partner lies on his back; you straddle him, facing his feet. So simple!
This article originally appeared on Women’s Health US.
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